Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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