Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
