i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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