no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
