Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
