I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
