Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
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And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
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I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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