Duck Duck Cougar?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
