Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
