I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
