She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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