Your face is a jimmy john
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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