every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
