He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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