You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
