i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so let's talk penis.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
