GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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