Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
