he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
