It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
