This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.