That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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