dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Man Helps Gorilla Find His Next Tinder Date
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.