I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate