Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I could make wine with my vomit
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...