Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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