I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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