It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
