If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
its not stalking. its research.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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