Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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