I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
