hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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