i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
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Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
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We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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