The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
