how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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