I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
