I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
