Don't make out with my wife yet
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
