if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
