Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
