my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
