Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
