umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
