I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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