Im at strip club and am horny
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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