Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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