He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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