I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
