is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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