Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
