and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
