woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
