I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
