I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We got so high we made milksteak
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
