Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
