please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
