i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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