Nicole vs. Life
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
