took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
