New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
