Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
