can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
