Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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