this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
