then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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