Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
