Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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