Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
