How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
