i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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